Was in prayer tonight, just kind of talking to Jesus about my incessant drawing towards the world and away from Him. The song that was playing mentioned something about "teach me how to cling to You?" That rolled around in my head over and over again. Teach me how to cling to You. And I started thinking about a story I once heard.
There was a guy named Jacob. He was one of the best deceivers I've ever heard about (besides myself when I am not walking with Jesus..haha). Well, he deceived his brother out of his very own birthright. This, of course, means nothing to us as today our words and vows and birthrights are of no value. Back then, though, they were a huge deal. Well, needless to say, the brother was pretty ticked. Well Jacob was on his way back to the land of his brother, 2 wives, eleven sons, and deceitful repayments later. He just knew his brother was ticked. I honestly think, he kind of knew who he was. He knew everything he had done. He knew what was going down. He just knew that things weren't good.
Well, he comes to this place and somehow ends up alone. I love the Bible's wording; it just says, "Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day." Jacob was wrestling throughout the night. Whether it was Jesus or God or an angel, I don't care - stronger than me. I can almost see Jacob saying, I don't care - I'm not letting go until you tell me everything is going to be okay. It took strength and power. And tonight, I thought about it, that Man wasn't running or pushing away. He was engaging in that wrestling match.
And something hit me. You know, lately, I've been talking about my constant drawing to the world. Tonight I was praying for a drawing to the Lord. And it was like this new fight just rose up within me. It was like I took the Spirit of God and put Him in a headlock (as reverently and fearful as possible of course) and said, I'm not going to let You go until my life is so evidently changed that there is a physical difference in my everyday life. And it's almost like I could hear Jesus laughing because I don't have to wrestle to get that. He wants to be a part of life and passion with me even more than I want it! He is holding me anyway. He isn't running and trying to hide for me to find. He's just there, waiting for me to realize it.
This fight is a good thing. I guess that's an important part. If I can just get the fight inside of me to have a desire to only want Christ and nothing else, the other stuff will happen. Like the theme verse of my life right now. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto You." (Matt 6:33)
So, what do you need to wrestle with God about? Know this - he isn't running away. He wants to engage with you in life more than you want it. Tell me some things that you wrestle with and what it means to wrestle with God in those situations.
