Unspoken

There I stood. I was at an event where hundreds of people were hearing the gospel, maybe for the first time. They had just seen some graphic events as a set up to let them see consequences of bad decisions. They were supposed to write a prayer request down on this post it note and stick it to the cross.

It was such a Christian thing to do. I've seen it done so many times. For some reason, I just thought I would read over these requests. They were so typical.

"Pray for my dad to be closer to us." "Pray for my mom to get a job." "Pray for my friends not to make dumb decisions." "Pray for me to get good grades." "Pray for my parents who are getting a divorce." "Pray for my brother who is in jail."

Why I chose to read over these "requests" was beyond me. And then I crossed over one particular sticky note. Simple handwriting. One word. A word scrabbled on a piece of paper.

Unspoken.

My heart broke. I couldn't hold back the tears. All of a sudden, something hit me. How many requests are there like this one? Unspoken. My brain flashed back to me being a little girl in a small Pentecostal Holiness church. We would tell everyone our prayer requests, but if you had one that you didn't want people to really know about, you would wait until the pastor asked for any "unspoken" requests. Then you would raise your hand, still remain safe, and move on. Why was it such a secret? I never knew.

Standing there in front of that one word, it became bigger and bigger. How many people do I pass every day that have unspoken requests? Are they too ashamed to say what it is? Are they too embarrassed? Or maybe it isn't even that. Maybe it's just that no one has even stopped to take the time for them to speak it out. Our world is hurting. That is so apparent. Our Christian family is hurting. We can't even take care of others because we are so unhealthy ourselves. Yet, we go on, move about our business, and keep going. We don't even stop to find out the "unspoken."

My heart broke that night for so many people who are hurting inside for themselves, for others, for circumstances, whatever. I can't say it I've made any life changes because of it. I do know this. I want to be more open to God's sweet voice telling me to stop, take a minute and listen, and find out what is behind the unspoken.

Sam

Stumble

It's so funny how God talks to us in little moments, especially when those little moments come from little people: children. I had a random encounter with a two year old last night that looked at me and asked me if I would stumble with her. I've not heard many two years old say the word stumble, let alone ask if I wanted to stumble with them. Being the playful auntie that I am, I agreed.

It was this weird almost out of body experience thing that happened as I watched what came next. We both stumbled to the ground. She grabbed my hand, we "helped" each other up, and then she laughed and took off running again.

And then it hit me. So many times, we can feel like a failure. We try our hardest to walk out this life with Christ. We do all the Christian things, say all the right words, and still it isn't good enough. In one area of our life, we find ourselves stumbling. What do we do in that moment?

I personally like to throw an epic pity party. I like to try to convince God and others that I am a loser. Really, it's all very prideful. I want others to say I am good, so I pretend that I feel like I am bad. Sometimes we honestly do feel we aren't good enough.

The thing is, though, God is there all the time. He's there to help us up, and start running again. He's there the whole time. He doesn't cause us to stumble, but when we do stumble, He is right there with us. He knows that if we can just get back up and start running, we can be laughing again.

This truth rang home with me last night. It was one of those moments where I knew there was something more going on than what was actually happening. God was showing me that, even when I stumble, He's right there, waiting to help me up, and start running again.

Amazing..

I Know My Calculus

So, today, I am subbing for a smart people school! Haha! I am subbing for a High School program that meets on a college campus. The kids even take some college courses. Well, they asked me to come and sub for the AP Calculus and AP Statistics class. In other words, they needed a babysitter. And you know how I love to babysit.

I seriously feel like I'm in a different country. The language is fascinating. These kids know exactly what they are talking about, they know the thinking process, and so forth! My mind is blown! On one hand, it reminds me that as Christians we kind of have our world. We have our church friends. We have our "Text Book" (thank God it is written in a much more personal manner). We have our "Christianese." Yet, I wish we knew our world as much as these kids know their Calculus. I've really been looking at that lately. The way these students study for Calculus, is it more than how I study my God? Of course they are going to get a test, but my tests are much more imperative! How will I fair?

On the other hand, I feel like such an outsider. As a Christian, I don't want people to feel like that from me. I want the God of love to speak through my life. He is always relative. He is always the common language. He is always cross-cultural.

I didn't mean to blog about that, though. I was blogging because, like most people, I hate waiting. I have put in an application for the local University, and I am waiting to hear from them. The decision should be made by the end of next week, but I hate waiting. I'm ready to get in and start! Oh, that I would have patience.

Ending with a song from an old spoof boy band. "I Know My Calculus - it says You + Me = US!"

Explain to Me...

I've had this thought in my head for a couple of days. Do I want God's power in my life at the cost of my unholiness?

I've been thinking about the power of God lately. You know, if you read the Bible, God's power is displayed in numerous great events. People were healed of awful diseases, dead people were brought back to life, demons were forced to leave the bodies they made homes from, and so on. God's power left people whole and at peace. What happened? Why did it stop? Why am I not seeing this kind of stuff around me today? I really feel like we don't want God's true power because if His true power enveloped us, we would have to give up our unholiness. I don't know how many of us truly want that.

I struggle with that. Yet, there is this thirst inside of me for something more than this cute little Christian life I'm living. I want Christ's love shared with those around me. I want them to see a difference by the power of God in my life. I don't want to settle for being sick, seeing people's lives ruined by Satan, and so on. I want His name to be magnified through His own works on our earth.

What does that mean today? Why don't we see that today? What are your thoughts? Are you willing to lose your unholiness to gain His power? That's an excellent question.

The Church & A Frying Pan Moment

Tonight, I let things get the best of me. I found myself steaming and very uncomfortable with the church in general. I have discussions with God like "Why couldn't you have put me in a place where there is this amazing church that really has a heart for glorifying You and reaching Your people?" I'm usually just being dramatic and selfish. It is a process that I'm used to, which is kind of sad.

I must say, though, tonight, I was pretty ticked. It was different than before. It wasn't an anger just to be angry and to hate someone. I've been there before. It was kind of a frustration that, as a teacher, I've felt before. As a teacher, you have these students that really frustrate you for one reason: potential. You know that if they put their minds to it, if they would just stop focusing on acting out, if they just did this or that, you know that they could outshine anyone in the class. Yet, for some reason, they choose to ignore their potential. That's the kind of frustration I felt tonight. If the church would just open her eyes...If the church would just read their Bible...If the church would just get their mind off of...

I got so bothered, that I finally had to go into my room, and I was going to find a Bible verse to read about how stupid the church was in general. So I turned in my Bible to Isaiah 57. This chapter is the first of a couple of chapters that talks about how God's people aren't doing right, how the leaders are doing wrong, how they should have purer hearts. I kept reading, reminding myself piously of how I had the right idea and everyone else was wrong.

Until...

Until I came up on this verse. I read these words, and it was one of, what I call, the frying pan moments. I read these words and they jumped up at me. My pride soon turned to humility. My complaints soon stopped. My criticisms turned to tears as my heart broke for our Lord's body.

"He (God) saw that there was no man and wondered that there was no intercessor [no one to intervene on behalf of truth and right]" (Isaiah 59:16 AMP).

POW! Talk about backing up. I wonder how many times God has searched for someone to intervene on behalf of truth and right for His people? I wonder how many times He has found no one? Why, instead of complaining and feeling that frustration, do I not stand before God and ask grace for His people?

When I read those words, I felt God's peace flood my heart. I don't want to be one of the many that is ignoring God's search for an intercessor-in any area. Because of one of my passions, my mind immediately goes to orphans & widows. How many times has God not been able to find someone to intervene for them - I hate that! I want to change that.

I looked up the Hebrew background of "intercessor," and it comes from the word paga. This word means "to meet," "to encounter," "to join," and "to entreat." Literally, when we go before God on behalf of someone or something else, we are meeting God for those people/situations/things. We are encountering the complete grace of God in proxy of that person! How incredible is that! I also found it interesting that this word could also mean "to attack" and "to strike a boundary." Not only am I meeting with God for that person/situation/thing, I am attacking and setting a boundary against the enemy for that person. What power can lie in intercession!

No one else may find this as life-changing or as interesting as I do, but I could not help share what spoke to me on this night. What does it mean to you to intercede for someone?