Forgiveness

What is the basis of Christianity? Ask people that question and you'll get a bunch of different answers. I have my own personal answer : forgiveness.

I've been reading through the Bible in a year with You Version or whatever the App is on my ipod touch. To be honest with you, I'm a little behind. I'm not fretting, though. I'll catch up or just not worry about it. So what if I read the Bible in a year and 3 days? Who made those rules up anyway?

I read over a story, though, very quickly that I couldn't get away from. It's the story of two brothers: Esau, a hairy older brother who sold his whole birthright for a measly pot of stew and then got angry because he was "cheated" out of his birthright, and Jacob, a liar and trickster who swindled anyone he could come in contact with until he eventually became the victim of someone else's swindling. These brothers had a hate-hate relationship. Esau vowed that after the death of his father he would kill Jacob. Jacob ran away to his Uncle and vowed not to return. This is where God comes in. God tells Jacob, after much (literally) wrestling, to return to his homeland. Knowing that Esau is waiting with baited breath, Jacob devises a plan. He's going to bribe his elder brother with gifts, put others between them, and hide in the background, just in case he's still hot about the whole stealing his birthright and his blessing thing.

Well, as you can see with the picture above, their meeting was a little different than Jacob imagined. I can just see the terror in his eyes as they met the love in Esau's. What a moment! Hugs and affection and reconciliation. It really is beautiful.

I was kind of thinking this through, and I just really had a frying pan moment with God. You know, one of those moments where God subtly speaks to you, you have this thought, and it's like DUH! (like somebody hit you with a frying pan). Forgiveness is like the whole basis of Christianity.

So, here's my thinking. God forgives us. He forgives us of all of our sins - our bad things. When we walk in his forgiveness, we are walking in the power of overcoming all the bad habits and sins that we struggle with. But His forgiveness is two-fold. He forgives us and we must forgive others. You can't have one without the other. When we don't forgive others, we can't walk in the freedom from sin. We continue to struggle with those sins. But when we walk, forgiven by Him, and forgiving others, this beautiful freedom comes where we are walking in the power of His freedom from sin and giving it and showing it to others. It really is a beautiful picture.

I know that seems kind of elementary in Christianity. It was just one of those moments where what has been in my head as knowledge for so long sunk into my heart as revelation.

My prayer now is "God, I want to forgive others, so you can forgive me. I want to be free by freeing others." And the amazing thing is, He does.

Loving this life in Him!
~ Sam

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Okay, so tonight I brought in the new year with some of my closest friends and communion.

Here's how I threw a great party:

1) Great Christmas Music


2) Clean the House


3) Set up Bathroom Kits for Guests




4) Encouraging Notes for Guests (and myself!)





5) Tablescapes


6) Decorations (KEEP IT SIMPLE)


7) Food (KEEP IT SIMPLE)


8) Great Friends






9) Reflection/Thought on the New Year



10) Bringing in the New Year with Communion (THE RIGHT WAY!)



It was a great night....more pictures/posts to come from this night..

New Year Plans?

Well, it's that time again. At the end of every year, I think about a couple of things.

1. My parent's anniversary. I was born before they were married, so I kind of give credit to myself for getting them together (ha!). They were married on December 30th, so I will be wishing them 23 looong years and many more to come!

2. New Year's Eve plans. This year I am getting together with my closest friends to celebrate. We are just going to hang out and spend some quality time together. I hope that we can talk about what the new year will hold in place and goals and such. That is my hope. Along with a lot of laughter.

3. Old Year Reflections - where was I this time last year. Have I gone backwards, forwards, still in the same place? Did I reach my goals? Did my predictions come true. This year I can say I think I've moved backwards in many areas of my life, especially my relationship with God. I didn't reach my goals. I don't know that I ever do. None of my predictions came true. They involved babies, love, and something bad happening (none of which involved me). None of them came true.

4. Old Year Pictures. I usually like to review the year through pictures. I am currently in the process of putting all my 2010 pictures on a jump drive to display on a digital frame through the new year. Can be a fun and a not so fun experience, but the memories are really good.

5. New Year Goals. This is what I want to accomplish in the new year. These are my "resolutions" so to speak. I am still formulating mine for 2011.

6. New Year Predictions. I don't usually predict for myself. My predictions will probably be very similar to what they were last year. I just think they have more of a chance of happening this year.


What about you? Do you do anything with the old year? What are your plans for bringing in the new? Any resolutions? I want to hear them!

Experience

"He told me that it had all happened one winter day, as he was looking at a barren tree. Although the tree's leaves were indeed gone, he knew that they would soon reappear, followed by blossomsm and then fruit. This gave hima profound impression of God's providence and power, which never left him. [He] still maintains that this impression detached him entirely from the world and gave him such a great love for God that it hasn't changed in all of the forty years he has been walking with Him."
(Practicing the Presence of God pg. 11)

"And then at night, Jesus Christ Himself came. He came to me and that was real. That was not a dream. That was not a vision. It was real. It was after midnight. I was alone in that room - in the hospital. The whole room was glittered in light. There was - There was Jesus Christ, and He was real. He was there. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Jesus. He was there. Jesus was there. He was real, and He talked to me. He said, "Yes, I am the one to give you a new life. Glory to You Jesus. He said to me, yes, I am the one to give you a new life."
(Former Ethiopian Prime Minister Tamrat Layne)

"And as he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?"...."Then Saul arose from the ground and when his eyes were opened he saw no one."
(Acts 9:3-8)


"And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead."
(Revelation 1:17)

Tonight I'm just thinking about my whole experience with Jesus. I have come across these experiences with Him in the past couple of days. These people were completely changed after their encounters with the Son of God. My first encounter with God was a young child in the back of a car looking out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks trying to figure out how a God that could make such beautiful stars could die for a child as bad as I was. Later, I encountered Him again at a worship night in a youth group. I heard Him speak that night. I would again encounter Him in my bedroom after I told the people I lived with that I was moving out to walk away from God and run after the world as hard as I could.

Every experience I have had with Jesus has been life changing. As I look at this life and the journey I have been on, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Of course it hasn't been easy. Of course I have fallen. Who hasn't? But every time, there is Jesus with His hands wide open, catching me and holding me up.

Oh, friend, if you are reading this, I pray you know the same Christ that so many have experienced. I pray that He changes your life and fills you with the same love and acceptance that He has offered so many. And just like with the Prime Minister, Jesus is waiting to give you a new life. I hope you will live it.

Interesting Commercials

I saw both of these videos recently. I thought they were worth posting. The first one is hilarious! The second one just really makes you think, especially if you are a woman. Take a look and let me know what you think.






I told you it would make you think.

He Knows Me

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" (Jeremiah 1:5a NKJV).

Have you ever met a celebrity? I'm not talking about a local weather man (although in the town I live in, the local weather man's social standing is equal to that of any celebrity you may see on People Magazine or interviewing on Oprah) or a local small-town athlete. I am talking about a real celebrity. You know, someone whose in multiple movies, who owns a multi-million dollar home, and who gets into and miraculously gets out of scandalous occurrences only enjoyable to the rich and famous! Have you ever met one? No, I haven't either.

The closest I ever got was in Walt Disney World. I saw a man coming out of the Crystal Palace restaurant who looked rather familiar. I soon recognized him to be Brad Garrett. You know, the big kind of dead-pan guy from "Everybody Loves Raymond." Well, to be honest, I was too scared to go talk to him. Now, he isn't like my favorite celebrity or anything. He's just someone that I know has been in movies. My best friend's mom finally decided to speak up, and so we met him and shared a few jokes. So, Brad Garrett met Samantha. Amazing, right? Wrong. At no time after our meeting did he ever go around and say, "Hey, I know Samantha." Yeah, I can say that I met him, but can I say that we know each other? No, I really can't.

I am obviously no celebrity. I have never been in any movie besides the ones made at home, I don't even own a $2 home, and my idea of a scandal is getting caught driving with my knees instead of my hands. I do know Someone who is "kind of a big deal," though. You know the amazing thing. He would say that He knows me, too. Want to be even more amazed? He knew me before we even met? Isn't it funny that although I can meet a semi-celebrity, I wouldn't say that I knew him, yet, God knew and knows me even before we met?

God formed me. Those three words blow my mind. They render me speechless. What makes it even better is that God formed me and knew me. He knew before I was even born all my little quirks and faults and oddities. Yet, He still formed me. That is the basis of all that my life is. I am just a woman who is walking this life out with the realization that God formed me for a purpose and that I get to live that purpose out, knowing Him. I pray that my journey thus far can point you into the place where you know God. Like I said before, "He's kind of a big deal."

Sam

Unspoken

There I stood. I was at an event where hundreds of people were hearing the gospel, maybe for the first time. They had just seen some graphic events as a set up to let them see consequences of bad decisions. They were supposed to write a prayer request down on this post it note and stick it to the cross.

It was such a Christian thing to do. I've seen it done so many times. For some reason, I just thought I would read over these requests. They were so typical.

"Pray for my dad to be closer to us." "Pray for my mom to get a job." "Pray for my friends not to make dumb decisions." "Pray for me to get good grades." "Pray for my parents who are getting a divorce." "Pray for my brother who is in jail."

Why I chose to read over these "requests" was beyond me. And then I crossed over one particular sticky note. Simple handwriting. One word. A word scrabbled on a piece of paper.

Unspoken.

My heart broke. I couldn't hold back the tears. All of a sudden, something hit me. How many requests are there like this one? Unspoken. My brain flashed back to me being a little girl in a small Pentecostal Holiness church. We would tell everyone our prayer requests, but if you had one that you didn't want people to really know about, you would wait until the pastor asked for any "unspoken" requests. Then you would raise your hand, still remain safe, and move on. Why was it such a secret? I never knew.

Standing there in front of that one word, it became bigger and bigger. How many people do I pass every day that have unspoken requests? Are they too ashamed to say what it is? Are they too embarrassed? Or maybe it isn't even that. Maybe it's just that no one has even stopped to take the time for them to speak it out. Our world is hurting. That is so apparent. Our Christian family is hurting. We can't even take care of others because we are so unhealthy ourselves. Yet, we go on, move about our business, and keep going. We don't even stop to find out the "unspoken."

My heart broke that night for so many people who are hurting inside for themselves, for others, for circumstances, whatever. I can't say it I've made any life changes because of it. I do know this. I want to be more open to God's sweet voice telling me to stop, take a minute and listen, and find out what is behind the unspoken.

Sam

Stumble

It's so funny how God talks to us in little moments, especially when those little moments come from little people: children. I had a random encounter with a two year old last night that looked at me and asked me if I would stumble with her. I've not heard many two years old say the word stumble, let alone ask if I wanted to stumble with them. Being the playful auntie that I am, I agreed.

It was this weird almost out of body experience thing that happened as I watched what came next. We both stumbled to the ground. She grabbed my hand, we "helped" each other up, and then she laughed and took off running again.

And then it hit me. So many times, we can feel like a failure. We try our hardest to walk out this life with Christ. We do all the Christian things, say all the right words, and still it isn't good enough. In one area of our life, we find ourselves stumbling. What do we do in that moment?

I personally like to throw an epic pity party. I like to try to convince God and others that I am a loser. Really, it's all very prideful. I want others to say I am good, so I pretend that I feel like I am bad. Sometimes we honestly do feel we aren't good enough.

The thing is, though, God is there all the time. He's there to help us up, and start running again. He's there the whole time. He doesn't cause us to stumble, but when we do stumble, He is right there with us. He knows that if we can just get back up and start running, we can be laughing again.

This truth rang home with me last night. It was one of those moments where I knew there was something more going on than what was actually happening. God was showing me that, even when I stumble, He's right there, waiting to help me up, and start running again.

Amazing..

I Know My Calculus

So, today, I am subbing for a smart people school! Haha! I am subbing for a High School program that meets on a college campus. The kids even take some college courses. Well, they asked me to come and sub for the AP Calculus and AP Statistics class. In other words, they needed a babysitter. And you know how I love to babysit.

I seriously feel like I'm in a different country. The language is fascinating. These kids know exactly what they are talking about, they know the thinking process, and so forth! My mind is blown! On one hand, it reminds me that as Christians we kind of have our world. We have our church friends. We have our "Text Book" (thank God it is written in a much more personal manner). We have our "Christianese." Yet, I wish we knew our world as much as these kids know their Calculus. I've really been looking at that lately. The way these students study for Calculus, is it more than how I study my God? Of course they are going to get a test, but my tests are much more imperative! How will I fair?

On the other hand, I feel like such an outsider. As a Christian, I don't want people to feel like that from me. I want the God of love to speak through my life. He is always relative. He is always the common language. He is always cross-cultural.

I didn't mean to blog about that, though. I was blogging because, like most people, I hate waiting. I have put in an application for the local University, and I am waiting to hear from them. The decision should be made by the end of next week, but I hate waiting. I'm ready to get in and start! Oh, that I would have patience.

Ending with a song from an old spoof boy band. "I Know My Calculus - it says You + Me = US!"

Explain to Me...

I've had this thought in my head for a couple of days. Do I want God's power in my life at the cost of my unholiness?

I've been thinking about the power of God lately. You know, if you read the Bible, God's power is displayed in numerous great events. People were healed of awful diseases, dead people were brought back to life, demons were forced to leave the bodies they made homes from, and so on. God's power left people whole and at peace. What happened? Why did it stop? Why am I not seeing this kind of stuff around me today? I really feel like we don't want God's true power because if His true power enveloped us, we would have to give up our unholiness. I don't know how many of us truly want that.

I struggle with that. Yet, there is this thirst inside of me for something more than this cute little Christian life I'm living. I want Christ's love shared with those around me. I want them to see a difference by the power of God in my life. I don't want to settle for being sick, seeing people's lives ruined by Satan, and so on. I want His name to be magnified through His own works on our earth.

What does that mean today? Why don't we see that today? What are your thoughts? Are you willing to lose your unholiness to gain His power? That's an excellent question.

James 1:17

What are we doing?

The Church & A Frying Pan Moment

Tonight, I let things get the best of me. I found myself steaming and very uncomfortable with the church in general. I have discussions with God like "Why couldn't you have put me in a place where there is this amazing church that really has a heart for glorifying You and reaching Your people?" I'm usually just being dramatic and selfish. It is a process that I'm used to, which is kind of sad.

I must say, though, tonight, I was pretty ticked. It was different than before. It wasn't an anger just to be angry and to hate someone. I've been there before. It was kind of a frustration that, as a teacher, I've felt before. As a teacher, you have these students that really frustrate you for one reason: potential. You know that if they put their minds to it, if they would just stop focusing on acting out, if they just did this or that, you know that they could outshine anyone in the class. Yet, for some reason, they choose to ignore their potential. That's the kind of frustration I felt tonight. If the church would just open her eyes...If the church would just read their Bible...If the church would just get their mind off of...

I got so bothered, that I finally had to go into my room, and I was going to find a Bible verse to read about how stupid the church was in general. So I turned in my Bible to Isaiah 57. This chapter is the first of a couple of chapters that talks about how God's people aren't doing right, how the leaders are doing wrong, how they should have purer hearts. I kept reading, reminding myself piously of how I had the right idea and everyone else was wrong.

Until...

Until I came up on this verse. I read these words, and it was one of, what I call, the frying pan moments. I read these words and they jumped up at me. My pride soon turned to humility. My complaints soon stopped. My criticisms turned to tears as my heart broke for our Lord's body.

"He (God) saw that there was no man and wondered that there was no intercessor [no one to intervene on behalf of truth and right]" (Isaiah 59:16 AMP).

POW! Talk about backing up. I wonder how many times God has searched for someone to intervene on behalf of truth and right for His people? I wonder how many times He has found no one? Why, instead of complaining and feeling that frustration, do I not stand before God and ask grace for His people?

When I read those words, I felt God's peace flood my heart. I don't want to be one of the many that is ignoring God's search for an intercessor-in any area. Because of one of my passions, my mind immediately goes to orphans & widows. How many times has God not been able to find someone to intervene for them - I hate that! I want to change that.

I looked up the Hebrew background of "intercessor," and it comes from the word paga. This word means "to meet," "to encounter," "to join," and "to entreat." Literally, when we go before God on behalf of someone or something else, we are meeting God for those people/situations/things. We are encountering the complete grace of God in proxy of that person! How incredible is that! I also found it interesting that this word could also mean "to attack" and "to strike a boundary." Not only am I meeting with God for that person/situation/thing, I am attacking and setting a boundary against the enemy for that person. What power can lie in intercession!

No one else may find this as life-changing or as interesting as I do, but I could not help share what spoke to me on this night. What does it mean to you to intercede for someone?

I'm Back

Man, I feel like I've been on a very long vacation, and now I'm back.

Today, I had my first day of Intern Orientation.

The air condition went out.

My cooperating teacher is amazing!

I didn't sell my soul to the NAE.

All in all, it was a good day.

Sam

Dead Tree in Winter

I have tried very hard in this blog to express something that was birthed in me today. Sometimes my communication skills seem to be inadequate for the thoughts that go on in my head. I pray that this blog entry makes sense and expresses my desire to enjoy God and know that He is passionate about me and you.

In his book, Practicing the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence writes about an experience in his life. He says that one day God spoke to him or revealed something to him through a dead tree in winter. That point completely changed Brother Lawrence's view on everything. From that moment on, he was determined to serve God. He also writes that it changed his spiritual life so much that he was never able to determine whether or not he was growing spiritually. His passionate love for Christ was so great from the beginning that his quest to grow seemed too hard to distinguish.
I read his account. I've even tried to stare at a dead tree in winter. I've asked God to reveal the same thing to me that He showed Brother Lawrence. Still, I am unable to get it.

Today, I was riding home from a very frustrating class. Well, on the way home, I was just thinking about things and listening to the radio. Then it happened. Out of nowhere, I saw something that I knew was more than just one of those run-of-the-mill occurrences. I watched as a bus let a little elementary school girl off at her stop. She carefully crossed the road, making sure to look both ways before she crossed. She was in no hurry. I looked down the road, and I saw a woman (I'm assuming the little girl's mother) walking towards the bus stop with a dog. When those two saw each other- when their eyes met, I saw both of them pick up their pace. They actually opened both arms as wide as they possibly could and ran for each other. When they got to each other, the mother picked up the child, embraced her, swung her around, and had nothing but joy in her face. The two of them then walked down the road, hand in hand, as I drove by. I was brought to tears, and I wasn't sure why.

I couldn't get my mind off of these two points today. I had a lot of incredible things happen to me today. Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about Brother Lawrence, his dead tree in winter, and that mother and little girl. Somehow, I knew that the quiet little whisper inside was trying to say something.

I've been looking at this "Happy Fast" as a time where I really have to focus on giving up frustration and anger. I've been working really hard to think about every decision I make, every choice I make, every action that I am responsible for. But somehow, I couldn't help today wondering if I had it all wrong.

You know, when Brother Lawrence got that great revelation from that simple picture of the dead tree in winter, he didn't start thinking about his downfalls. He didn't focus on the theological history of the church. He didn't start thinking about predestination, infant baptism, whether or not to be prolife or prochoice. He didn't take into consideration the most effective ways to communicate his ideas, the most effective practices to evangelize and disciple others. He merely knew that something about that tree had ignited a fire inside of him - a passion for a Creator, a love for someone who first loved him.

That little girl I saw today. She and her mom have undoubtedly had quarrels and spats. Today, though, they didn't take the time to stop and think about those differences. I can almost assure you that the mother didn't stop and think about the most relative way to reach her daughter in our technilogical era. I'm sure the daughter didn't stop and try to figure out why her mother would allow their dog to get hit by that same bus if and when it happened. No, none of that thought occurred. There was one simple reaction. How excited that mother and daughter were to see each other! How much love bubbled up inside of both of them from such an act of running towards each other and embracing!

I can't help but think how many of us are looking at life wrong. Instead of focusing on what I'm supposed to be fasting and the best practices for giving those things up in order to be more like Christ, maybe I should just start focusing on a God that is passionate about His love for me. Maybe I should start remembering how God rescued me from so much that I could never put into words. Maybe, instead of arguing and debating with Him or anyone else, I should just hike up my boots and run to Him, screaming and giggling all the way! Of course no one wants to get swept away with empty emotionalism. No one wants to fall into that trap of having that feel good time with no sense of depth or maturity. Yet, I can't help but thinking that no matter how much that mother loves her child, there will always be a sense of passion and excitement when she sees her. No matter how long that child loves her mother, she'll always be willing to look like a fool in front of the whole world, kick up her shoes, leave everything behind, and just run to her. Maybe I should do the same. Maybe I should just enjoy Him. On this happy fast, I want to find joy. Well, why don't I enJOY God? Why don't you do the same?

Stupid Dog

This morning I was driving to an elementary school for the last time for my 3 week practicum I’ve been doing. I was very glad that it was my last day. It has been somewhat of a stressful situation, although I love the school and feel that I have learned a lot.

Riding to this school, I take country backroads. It’s kind of like going on a wildlife safari every trip there and back. I usually see interesting birds (including turkey and quail), deer, dogs, cows, and so on. One day on the way home, I ran up on a large blue heron in the middle of the road. I slowed down my car, and it lifted its giant wings and began to fly parallel to the road and my car. I road and it flew together for quite some time. I loved it! It is so amazing to watch the neat creatures that our creative God conducted in His mind.
This morning, though, was a little bit of a different experience. On the way there, I had a dog run out in front of me. I braced myself. I thought, I cannot swerve. I will slow down, but I’m not sure if it’s enough for the dog to make it. Well, that dog did make it. He must have put himself in high gear. Well, the episode woke me up, but I didn’t like it. Then, a few minutes later, the same thing happened! A dog ran in front of me. This time, I had plenty of time to slow down, so I did, and the dog went trouncing across the road. I thought to myself, Stupid Dogs. Why would you just run out in front of a moving car when you know it’s going to hurt you?!?

And then, I heard a little chuckle. God was laughing, almost to say, now you know how I feel. Too many times, we “run out in front of cars that we know will hurt us.” How many times have I done something that I know would not produce any good in my life, or that would separate me from the God that loves me and has good plans for me? How many times have I chosen to ignore the sights, the sounds, the signs that God has all around, warning me not to do something? How many times has it left me splattered on the ground, broken? And even worse, how many times have I turned around and blamed God for it? Wasn’t I the stupid one who ran out in the middle of the road with moving traffic?

Sometimes I think I am so smart and have it all together. I look at other animals and sometimes even other people, and I start thinking how stupid some people (and sometimes animals as in this case) are, and I realize that maybe I’m not as smart as I thought I was.

I’m taking this moment to thank God for all the road signs and all the warnings that he puts up for people like me who still tend to go out in the middle of the street. His mercy has saved my life many, many times.