From Jacob To Jesus Part I

So, I've been thinking lately about the area of forgiveness. For anyone who knows me the slightest bit, they know that this area is a large source of my frustration. I'm not so much talking about forgiveness of "big" things, either. If I see someone doing something I don't think they should be doing (even if it isn't wrong or sinful), I hold it against them. And my family knows all too well that I can hold a grudge longer than anyone I know!

I've often had grand conversations about why forgiveness is so hard for me. I know that I have sinned. I know that Jesus has forgiven me. I would not want anyone to hold my past and my sin against me. Mom's often told me to give away what I need the most: forgiveness. I know that unforgiveness doesn't even hurt the person I'm not forgiving: it hurts me! I know all that in my head!

Yet, I still find it hard. Do you know what it all boils down to? Mostly, I want people to pay. I want people to be punished for their actions. Now, I don't want to be punished, mind you, for my own. I would rather blame my actions on someone or something else. However, everyone else should be. Isn't that wrong?!?! I told you I had major anger issues! I can laugh about it right now, but in the heat of the moment, it is no laughing matter.

Yet, during this time of giving up frustration and anger, it has also meant giving up a great deal of holding onto unforgiveness. And I've had these thoughts about different people in the Bible who dealt with the very same thing.

So I say all that to say this. I'm going to be posting some kind of wierd blogs in the next couple of days. It will all tie together at the end. I just wanted to give an intro to the whole concept before someone (and I'm hearing there are someones out there, although I don't know who or how) reads the next blogs and gets totally confused.