Please Pray For Me

I know some people out in the world wide web, so I wanted to ask you something.

Something happened Sunday. I don't really know what it was. I woke up that morning, and it was like everything I had fought so hard to overcome, everything I had grappled with was overtaking me and pulling me down. Things just seemed to escalate until Sunday evening, I was literally laying on my couch, looking through the Bible, tears in my eyes, asking God to please give me some answer to the problem in me. I just felt like if I can't overcome anger, then I couldn't walk out this life with God. And if I couldn't walk with God, there really wasn't a whole lot of point in anything. I was ready to give up on my Happy Fast.

To be honest with anyone who's out there reading, I haven't truly found an answer. As a matter of fact, my church wanted to know if there was anyone in our small group that was dealing with anger that could maybe give a testimony. I was suggested. I turned it down. I felt like such a failure. How could I give anyone a testimony about dealing with anger? In order to have a testimony, I felt like you needed to come through something, and I haven't yet! Part of me thinks that it would almost be better to get up and there and share with people how hard I'm struggling with this thing. A lot of people are struggling with stuff! Not everyone is able to give a testimony about their lives! We're still in the middle of hardships. Maybe it would help someone to know that they weren't the only ones in the world who felt like such a failure. I know yesterday, I did.

Today, I don't feel like as much of a failure as I did yesterday, but to be honest, I am a bit discouraged. I know that I can't quit my happy fast because I know God wants to bring me through this thing. I know that it wouldn't be called a fast if it was easy. I know all these things, but I'm asking anyone out there to pray for me. I definitely need it.

The Bible says that the JOY of the LORD is our STRENGTH. Well, I feel like I don't have any joy to use as strength. I know I'm supposed to draw on the joy of the LORD, but what does that mean in practical, every day application?

If anyone has any great words of wisdom or encouragement, leave me a comment or shoot me an email.